Melting Insecurities: The Real Sian Green
October 4, 2018
BY ISAAC D. JOSEPH
Sian Green, what can I say! I first came across this beautiful young lady when looking for women to be featured in Project Red's website magazine under Ali's Corner. Who would have known from a conversation and a short story published on the site would lead to a topic that is sometimes lost within the HIV and AIDS community today among women. Sian is an HIV/AIDS advocate from the Greater New Orleans, Louisiana area, has not only overcame the struggles of being HIV positive. She has bravely leaped over the hurdles many women living with HIV endure. In her first featured spot of Ali’s Corner, she titles her short story "Melting Insecurities".
A topic well known to so many people living with HIV, but only a few can truly say “I have melted my insecurities.” In her short story, the written words “I am heterosexual HIV positive woman who walks with a phenomenal poise while placing her middle finger in the air.” is so powerful and full of assurance showing Sian has truly melted away her insecurities of being a heterosexual woman living with HIV. How did get she there? How can her journey of melting those insecurities help the millions of women who live in shadows of HIV today? I was able to conduct an interview Sian and received the real T. Well, I am ready to spill the true story behind “Melting Insecurities.”
Approximately, six years ago while pregnant with her second child Sian received the harsh, life-changing news from her OBGYN she is HIV positive. “My whole life flashed before my eyes,” she stated in our interview. Unfortunately, Sian’s insecurities did not start after being diagnosed with HIV. Since the age of 18, Sian has suffered from verbal, mental and physical abuse the men in her life including the father of her child, who would later expose her HIV positive status by spreading salacious photo and caption across the social media. I ask Sian, how did that make her feel and what role did that play in building those insecurities she would eventually melt away? She stated, ”It made me feel inferior to the world and gave me a sense of hopelessness. I felt like the whole city knew and everywhere I went I felt like all eyes were on me. I would drive an hour away just to go to a grocery store." Just like so many victims, she would soon fall into a deep depression and develop anxiety issues.
For years, Sian walked in fear hiding behind the shadows of HIV, depression, and anxiety. In a blog, she wrote for Positive Women’s Network and shared with The Well Project entitled “The Other Me,” Sian illuminates this image “I wasn't myself many times. Depression and anxiety had the best of me even on the days when the sun was shining. I can't control it on my own. One prescription to another trying to mend myself back together as I was before, but even this was temporary. I read those Facebook posts and view that picture of me naked in my own home many times. Tears ran constantly and fear and hopelessness overcame me.” I could imagine my self in Sian's shoes and I had to ask her, what made you overcome this feeling you portrayed in "The Other Me"? She stated a friend told her “Just because you are struggling doesn’t mean you have to look like it!” and from there Sian took heed to those words instantly. Many individuals are support her but it took Sian to come to terms with herself to change her outlook on life. “I finally woke up and decided what I was going through was not going to define me,” Sian said with a fiery passion in her voice," I finally began to love myself.” I ask Sian what was the first thing she notice when she began to love herself and shed those insecurities, “My smile, I began to smile and not just on the outside but also on the inside,” she said, “I felt like a new me, I realized all the things that I had allowed to happen in my life, I decided no more.”
No more is precisely when Sian meant, she began on a new path and the first st op on that journey was finding God and having more faith in Him and His word. “I don’t know if you notice but I use the hashtag #seasonedgracefully at the end of my post” she pointed out “After speaking to a friend about business matters, God directed her to Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech at all times be gracious and pleasant, seasoned with salt, so that you will know how to answer each one [who questions you].,” she quoted. “I began to learn how to speak not only for myself but also to encourage others and to take back the power that was once taken from me which was the first step I took in melting those insecurities.”
Sian now shares her testimony by working with local HIV advocacy groups within her community and is a featured blogger on the website The Well Project’s, “A Girl Like Me” campaign in which she states “All of our stories are different but our main motive is to show and believe there will be a cure for HIV…but we will not be discriminated against. We are people. We have a voice. We will not stop fighting!" I ask Sian what advice she would give to women around the world who are living in the shadows of HIV today? “Don’t let no one ever may you feel inferior, never let any of your insecurities overcome you especially dealing with HIV. Be confident and walk prideful no matter what obstacles you face. Just wink in the mirror and know It’s Okay.”
Closing out my interview with Sian, I asked her what makes her happy in life she stated “My two beautiful children and loving every part of me.” I then ask her as an HIV advocate how do you want to encourage women living with HIV? "I want them to remember that they are beautiful and that their beauty did not end with HIV," she said “Find you, be you, and love you” Lastly I ask her, if could use HIV to describe herself what words would she use, “Humanitarian, Innovator, and Voguish." Sian mentions to me, “My trials were my testimony, a testimony that hundreds to millions can hear and feel empowered and for those who are HIV positive and carry other burdens know that you are not alone.” Sian Green is undoubtedly soon to be a powerhouse within the HIV community and will surely be looked up to by millions of women all over the world. Showing them how to be a heterosexual HIV positive woman who walks with a phenomenal poise while placing her middle finger in the air. Sian Green we salute and support you!